From Point A to Point B.

I started this blog on January 9, 2009 — almost seven years ago — with the following intention:

I genuinely want to know what makes relationships work and what love is really about. Actually, that’s not true at all… I bored myself just writing that. I just want to have an interesting exchange about the topic with those that haven’t totally given up yet, or maybe even with some who have.  That’s all.  And, if I’m lucky, somewhere along the way I might even be saved from my own cynicism…

So, New Year’s resolution, January 2009 [2010, 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014, and 2015]: Destroy the cynicism within.  Or do something new with my hair.  I’m not sure.   😉

Unfortunately, there is no 12 step process for “destroying the cynicism within.”  The hard truth is that some things can only be learned through a series of painful, yet worthy experiences that ultimately put you in a better place than you were when you began.  Here is very condensed summary of how I got from point A to point B in the last three years:

• Point A: I was guarded, opposed to dating, hung-up on my ex, and constantly trying to convince myself that I wanted to be single my entire life anyway.  I had earned a reputation for being hard to date.  A guy told his buddy he was going to ask me out and his buddy said, “Pfff. Good luck.”  No joke.
• When visiting my family in Michigan, I found out my grandfather was sick and decided to stay for a couple extra months to help care for him until he passed.
• After he died, I inherited the love letters between him and my grandma during WW2.  Talk about true love… They married soon after he was discharged from the Navy and stayed married for 64 years until the day my grandmother died.  Not gonna lie, I ugly cried on the floor of my grandfather’s bedroom when I realized just how much I longed to be loved the way my grandfather loved my grandmother. (I’m incorporating these letters into a book project. It’s an interesting window into the life of a sailor who went to war just after having met the love of his life.)
• I found this picture on Instagram and couldn’t stop going back to look at it:
  

  I know… It annoyed me too.

• I stopped talking to my ex-boyfriend… largely because I found out he was dating a 19-year-old, but hey, at least I cut it off.  The Instagram picture is right, sometimes you just gotta let go to open yourself up.
• Ten months ago, I agreed to go out with a guy I met 4 years ago for something other than breakfast.  I always said he was the type of guy I wanted to date if I was ready, but per usual I refused to give it a chance.
• Point B: Well, guess what? I fell in love:

The overwhelming feeling I have at the present moment, is that the relationship I have with this man was worth everything I had to go through to get here.  It was worth all the heartbreaks and failed relationships.  It was worth faking happiness while watching every. single. one. of my girlfriends get hitched.  It was worth having the entire Midwest question my sexual orientation because I was my 30’s and still single.  Most importantly, it was worth not settling.  And that’s really what I want to say to anyone out there who’s reading this blog.  It might take much longer than you hope to find the guy who loves you the way you deserve to be loved, but please don’t settle.  In the meantime, focus less on finding the right person, and more on being the right person.  That’s the lesson I had to learn the hard way.

Kismet Encounter.

Every once and awhile, I find myself in a situation that can only be described as kismet. This one took place on Tuesday afternoon at 1:38 pm. I was minding my own business when I eyed a guy, about my age, looking at me like he recognized me from somewhere and was trying to place it.  I was expecting him to say something like “Do I know you?” or “You look really familiar,” and we’d go on to have a pleasant conversation trying to figure out if we took a class together in college or shared a distant relative.

Instead he said, “Do you have a boyfriend? Becaaaaaause, I’m available.”

Which could have been romantic if we were in a decadent art museum and the guy was tall and athletic with dark skin, manly, protective biceps, brown eyes, tousled black hair, Mmmm… Oh, sorry, I got distracted.  Instead, we were at Taco Bell and he was 12 inches shorter than me, heavyset, and totally not my type (no offense, men, if that describes any of you)… Needless to say, his efforts were in vain.

Regardless, I stumbled into that Taco Bell having had a terrible morning and walked out with smile on my face.  I think fate knew I needed a little cheering up.

Magic and Rattle Snakes.

It was 7:14 pm when my friend Jen and I arrived at The Magic Castle in Hollywood, CA.  Our dear friend, Spaff, was anxiously waiting for us outside the front door.  We had precisely one minute to navigate our way through the castle and into the Parlor of Prestidigitation for Helder Guimarães’s 7:15 show.  We ran – in heels, and dresses  – across the ornate carpet of the castle’s main floor and up the stairs, taking them two at a time.  Classy to say the least.  We made it just before the doors closed.

If you’re at all into magic then you’ve probably heard of Helder Guimarães and if you haven’t, then you’re probably not as into magic as you like to pretend.  Look him up.  He’s extremely gifted.  In true Rachel fashion, at the end of the show I shook Helder’s hand and said something contained like, “That was really, really good,” when what I was feeling on the inside was closer to, “That was effing mind-blowing!!!! How is that possible?  I’m going to crawl into a whole and never come out because I no longer know what’s real and what isn’t.” I spent the next hour on a bar stool, rocking back and forth, staring at nothing in particular, trying to figure out how Helder could have done the things he did.  As a kid who grew up asking “why” about everything, I’m not one to just be amazed and then let it go.  So here’s your warning, Helder:  I WILL figure it out.  It’s only a matter of time…

The rest of the night was as fantastic as it started.  Spaff introduced me and Jen to a number of great people, the waiter gave us a cheese plate on the house, and we saw two more magic shows featuring magicians Tina Lenert, Mike Caveney, and John Gaughan & Lady Mystina.

It was a great night indeed.  But perhaps equally as mind-blowing to all the magic we saw at the castle last night, was our ride home with Uber driver Frank.  Jen and I got into the car and after the usual pleasantries that are exchanged with a driver (minus the fist bump – this wasn’t a Lift car), Frank started asking us questions about the Magic Castle in his thick Ugandan accent.  It is important to note here that on the console between the driver seat and the front passenger seat was a long wooden box.  “What’s in the box?” Jen asked, rather innocently I would like to add.

“It’s my rattle snake.” Frank answered.  I’m a bit of a magician myself.
“Oh yeah?” Jen inserted skeptically.
“Yes, and he makes candy.”  But HOW does he make candy, I thought, and WHY…
Frank continued, “Do you want to pet my snake?”

… Wait. What?  In that moment, everything came to stop.  I was no longer thinking about Helder’s amazing card tricks or Tina Lenert’s mop man or the crispy, purple grapes on the cheese plate.  I looked at Jen.  Did he just say what I think he said?

“Uhh, no thanks.” Jen replied politely, yet firmly.  “I’ll give you a peak in case you change your mind,” Frank said as he slowly opened the lid of the wooden box.  Sure enough, there was candy in the box, but neither one of us was about to reach for it.  Frank sensed our hesitation and closed the lid.  “It’s ok, my snake can be shy.  Maybe another time.”

WHAT?!?!  For the second time in the same night, I found myself questioning what’s real and what isn’t.  In what world does this conversation actually happen?  I’m going to attribute it to a cultural barrier.  The rest of the ride was quiet with the occasional squawk of my contained laughter at the unintentional innuendos on the part of Frank.  Finally, we arrived at our destination.

“Thanks for the ride,” I mustered as I got out of the car.  And what a ride last night was.

Me, Spaff, and Jen at The Magic Castle

Cute?

Below is an article posted on www.nydailynews.com.  It’s cute? I think?  Maybe this couple thought the baby disagreement would work its way out on its own over time.  I bet that lesson was learned…

When a musically-inclined Brooklyn couple decided to call it quits, they created a breakup video to share the news with friends. Posted online late Wednesday, it’s a soon-to-be-viral YouTube hit. But for 30-year-old Jonathan Mann, it was simply a bittersweet ending to a five-year relationship.

“I want kids and she doesn’t,” Mann told the Daily News.

The lyrics of “We’ve Got To Break Up” reflect the Williamsburg couple’s baby-centric downfall and reassure friends they won’t have to pick sides. Mann says he and his ex-girlfriend, 31-year-old Ivory King, thought the music video would be the easiest way to break the news.

“I didn’t want to make a post on Facebook and have that be it,” he said. “And I didn’t want to have to explain it over and over to people, because that can be really painful. And I hoped it would feel cathartic to make this together, as sort of our final act,” he added.

It didn’t quite work that way.

“When it comes down to it, there’s no way to feel anything but sad in a situation like ours,” Mann said. Heartbreak aside, he’s been pleased by his friends’ reactions. “We’ve been together for so long that we have so many mutual friends, and it was a big thing to sort of split that up,” Mann said. “But people are being super supportive. They’re happy that we made this and that it’s amicable between us.”

The video was part of Mann’s ongoing “Song a Day” project.

Read more: http://www.nydailynews.com/new-york/couple-announces-breakup-music-video-article-1.1214867#ixzz2JJma4BAm

Honest Insight From a 4-Year-Old.

Ok, ok. I know I already posted this, but it’s just the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. Can you blame me? Here’s my nephew Braden, offering me some…I’d say pretty honest insight about love, dating, and marriage.

Miscommunication Exemplified.

I’m beginning to think Willy didn’t want to be freed.

Poor Willy.

Happy Anniversary, Sis!

This picture was taken 11 years ago on my lovely sister’s wedding day right before she walked into the church to see her soon to be husband. Thank you, Kerrie and Eric, for the example you have set. I hope that I might be so lucky one day. I love you!

Happy Anniversary, Sis! You're beautiful!

 

For the Love of the Government.

Any time I’ve ever heard talk about the conspiracy theories of the US governement’s involvement in the events of 9/11, I immediately dismissed it. However, after watching a documentary called Loose Change it’s almost impossible to deny the possibility that it could be true. I’ve posted the documentary below, but first, here’s a note from the filmmakers, Dylan Avery and Korey Rowe:

We have tried our best to avoid controversial or speculative topics and have made an effort to focus only on subjects we could prove as fact, supported either by hard, physical evidence, massive amounts of corroborating eyewitness testimony or both.

We have endured a lot of negative remarks and hostility, all for simply wanting to understand more about a terrible tragedy that not only took the lives of thousands of people in the United States, but also took endless more in its name during the wars that followed. We want a new investigation into the events of 9/11, not only because the first one was demonstrably inadequate but also because there has been ample testimony made by enough experts from around the world to bring the findings of the 9/11 Commission into question.

We are not dealing with conspiracy theories. We are dealing with facts. We are asking for the Truth and our requests will not cease until they are legitimately met. Until then, we must continue to ask questions and demand answers.

Note: This is part one. You can stream this on Netflix or watch the rest of it on Youtube. 

Unconventionally Sexy.

I decided to be unconventionally sexy this year to prevent sexual harassment in public space (Hollaback!).

Horse Driver.

Ps.  If you haven’t seen the movie DRIVE yet, go see it!

Hollaback, Girl!

I hear it all the time and have said it myself:  “I have the right to walk down the street and not be whistled at by a complete stranger.”  And that’s true.  I agree with you as does Emily May, Executive Director of Hollaback!.   Hollaback! is an international movement to address sexual harassment that occurs in public space by using technology and social media.  (learn more here).  Check out this “Voices from the Field” video:

The thing that is not addressed in the video is why street harassment exists in the first place.  I feel like I’m taking a risk in suggesting this but I do think fighting street harassment includes educating some women on how to carry themselves.  If I walk to the bar wearing 5″ heels, a gold mini skirt, and a sheer black blouse without a bra, and a guy whistles at me, is that street harassment? Or is that a cause and effect kind of thing?  But even that doesn’t really get to the root of the problem in our culture.  There are so many other things like the objectification of women in advertising, for example, which not only shapes the way we, as women, look at ourselves, but also effects how men look at us…  More power to ya Emily May!  Street Harassment sounds like one tough deep-rooted nut to crack.