The man code.

Last week I watched “The Bachelorette” and was rooting for David… until he opened his mouth and started talking.  But as much as he annoyed me, I learned something from him that I never knew existed.  Get ready for this…  THE MAN CODE.  It all started when the guys were sitting around drinking (what else to they do on that show?  It’s the only way they can get them to talk).  One guy supposedly faked taking a shot which was a big no-no according to the “man code.”  David was really upset about it and stated that this shot-faking guy should be tied to a tree and beaten.  Quizzical looks were given to which he replied, “What?  It’s the man code!”

Now, what exactly IS “The Man Code?”  Is it an unsaid list of rules that are universally known by men everywhere?  Rules that define manhood?  If that’s the case (and if it defines manhood for guys like David) I imagine it would look something like this:

1. Always pay for your date’s dinner.  To do otherwise demonstrates weakness.
2. If you feel threatened, puff out your chest and talk louder to intimidate and scare your enemy away.
3. You shall NEVER fake taking a shot or any alcoholic beverage.
4. Use macho speak including but not limited to phrases like ”Yo baby – wuz up?” “DAAAMMMNNNN you look good girl,” “Dude,” and when someone crosses you, “He deserves to die.”
5. Never believe “no” really means no.
6. Never accept responsibility for anything that goes wrong;  Always take credit for things that go right.
7. Never be caught dead applying any kind of lip product.
8. Don’t be upset if your girl makes more than you. In fact, embrace it.  And then exploit it.
9. If necessary, use emotional manipulation to get what you want.
10. Any “action” obtained must be embellished ie: a single = a triple; a strikeout = a single.

* In the event that a man breaks any one of the rules listed in the man code, he shall be tied to a tree and beaten.

(Here’s my little disclaimer:  I’m not a believer in the said “Man Code.”  But guys like David make it hard to resist commenting on the ridiculousness of the matter).

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And just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse…

… I saw the first episode of The Cougar.  That show blows my mind.  I’m not a reality show junkie but I did watch The Bachelor and found myself very entertained by it.  The only thing that I felt while watching The Cougar was awkward.  I don’t know what’s worse — that “the Cougar,” real name Stacey, proudly says, “I am cougar. Hear me roar,” or that there is a 21-year-old boy trying to win the heart of a 40-year-old woman or maybe that the elimination ceremony is referred to as the “Kiss-off.”  If Stacey let’s you kiss her lips, you’re in.  But if she turns her cheek to you, you’re out.  I am so proud of the direction American television is heading and especially the way it exemplifies the maturity of grown women…

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The Bachelor.

Last night I snuggled into the couch for 3 hours to watch The Bachelor where I learned that even the seemingly nicest guy can be a complete ass.  Is there ANY hope?  I know there are all these theories that the show is scripted.  Make fun of me all you want but I choose to believe it’s real.  Obviously, the presence of cameras and the absurdly romantic destinations can have an impact on behavior but the emotions that were seen last night could not be faked… except maybe Molly’s, but she just always looks a little fake.

Ok, so here’s basically what happened: Jason had to choose, between Molly and Melissa, who would be his wife.  He proposed to Melissa spinning her around and telling her, “”I love you, I love you, I love you, with all my heart.” (Suuuure).

Little does she know...

Six weeks later, on national television, he broke off the engagement and told her he’s still in love with Molly and wants to be with her.  THEN Melissa leaves, Molly comes on accepting Jason back with open arms, and the host of the show talks about how this journey has resulted in a happy ending.  Meanwhile, Melissa is sitting in the back of that all too familiar limo devastated and crying during her exit interview.

Clearly, a happy ending indeed.

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