Honest Insight From a 4-Year-Old.

Ok, ok. I know I already posted this, but it’s just the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. Can you blame me? Here’s my nephew Braden, offering me some…I’d say pretty honest insight about love, dating, and marriage.

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Happy Anniversary, Sis!

This picture was taken 11 years ago on my lovely sister’s wedding day right before she walked into the church to see her soon to be husband. Thank you, Kerrie and Eric, for the example you have set. I hope that I might be so lucky one day. I love you!

Happy Anniversary, Sis! You're beautiful!

 

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Lucky I’m in love with going to weddings.

I wish I had something witty and cynical to say about the number of weddings I’ve been invited to attend this month (five) or the number of bridesmaid dresses I now own (seven).  Instead, I find myself being very happy for two of my closest friends that have recently gotten hitched (both in the last 13 days).  If I could tell them each one thing it would be, “Good thing you didn’t listen to me.”  Brenda asked me if I thought she should start dating the guy she is now married to.  I told her no.  Elizabeth asked me if I thought she should get back together with the guy she is now married to after they once parted ways.  I also told her no.  Oops…

The real reason I’m blogging about weddings is to share this song with you.  This was the song that the bride and groom danced their first dance to at the wedding I went to this weekend (a wedding that actually made me shed real tears).  If you are in the middle of planning a wedding, I recommend using this song for something.

(The song starts after 14 seconds).

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My parents.

Today I was thinking about my parents and how thankful I am for the way they raised me.  I feel like I have a good head on my shoulders and I owe it all to them.  On August 1 of this year, they will be celebrating their 35th wedding anniversary.  I pray that when I get married I will take after them in this area of life.  My mom’s parents have been married for over 60 years and my dad’s parents were married for 50 years before my grandmother  passed away.  So while my cynicism might shine through in some of these posts — or maybe most of them… I actually have quite a few solid examples of faithful marriage and lasting love.

After 35 years of marriage they still hold hands.

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I would consider marrying my cell phone.

Last weekend I was waiting to be seated at the Cheesecake Factory in Chicago (love that place) when I noticed the couple sitting next to me.  They were probably in their mid 40’s and it looked to be like they were married and on a date.  They were sitting close enough making it apparent they were obviously comfortable with each other.  The interesting thing is that instead of talking to each other, they were each staring down at their Internet phones, both perfectly content.  So I got to thinking, maybe that’s all I need — a solid, sexy, Internet phone.  It would give me its undivided attention;  It would do what I wanted it to do;  I could play games with it;  I could push its buttons without it ever getting angry;  It would never get sick of me but, if I got sick of it I could upgrade without consequence.  Seems to be the trend with relationships these days anyway, right?!  Oh, this is so perfect…

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You’ll just know.

When I was in between high school and college, I went through a pretty big phase of needing to know how to find “The One.”  I think it’s because I had been dating a guy since I was 16 who I felt like I was supposed to marry, but something didn’t feel right about it.  At that time, I truly believed there was ONE person in the world you were meant to be with.  So if I could convince myself that he was, in fact, “The One” then things would be ok, right?  Things have since changed.

My favorite response was, “You’ll just know.”  That was SO incredibly helpful to the naive sheltered girl I was at the time.  Now, I’m not trying to discourage you if this is something that you believe to be true…  I’m just sayin’ I thought I “knew” on two different occasions.  You might be thinking, “Well then you didn’t KNOW know, ” to which I will simply smile and point out that my friend Jane “knew.”  And then her husband cheated on her three times and they got divorced.

See, I feel like this concept of “you’ll just know” is very dangerous.  Ever hear of blind love?  I would define blind love by being so emotionally in love and excited about a person that you miss seeing the truth about who they really are.  Or maybe even about who YOU really are.  A friend told me about a man whose fiance left him because he would not buy her the $29,000 engagement ring she wanted.  He could have been proposing because he genuinely thought she was “The One.”  Had he opened his eyes a little and seen she was a greedy gold digger maybe that would have changed things… Who knows?  That’s all I’m really saying.  Who knows if she really was a greedy gold digger?  Who knows how to figure out who you should be with?  Who knows when you know someone well enough to marry them?

I don’t necessarily think you can know.  I’ve come to the conclusion that just like most things, it comes down to a choice that you make and one that you stick to (not that I don’t believe in being in love but I’ll save that for another time).

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Loving the economy.

I asked one of my friends what I should blog about today and he suggested, “love and the economy.”  So here I go…

I’m fairly certain that everyone is aware that the economy is not that great right now.  People are getting laid off, houses are foreclosing, and stocks are plummeting.  BUT diamonds have not gotten cheaper, the price of a dozen roses has stayed the same, and the cost of dinner and a movie has not been sympathetic.

There are two ways of looking at whether or not this change in the economy is positive or negative when it comes to the affect it plays on relationships.  From everything I’ve heard, one of the top 3 causes of divorce deals with finances.  I’m not surprised by that — especially once you have kids.  With a bad economy and 2.5 kids in school, vet bills that need to be paid, mortgage payments, utilities, credit cards, and only one person in the house working… I’m stressed just writing all of that.  There is no relief.  So the pessimist in me says a bad economy is bad for relationships, plain and simple.

But who likes a pessimist?  Spending money on going out for dinner, and out to movies, and on fancy gifts for each other is nice.  But it’s also an unnecessary luxury.  You won’t DIE if you don’t get a tennis bracelet for your anniversary or go to the Caribbean for your honeymoon (or maybe you will die… then you should read this blog www.dabagirls.com and not mine).  Thinking of things to do on a date that cost money is so easy, but if you’re willing to put a little thought into it there are plenty of things couples can do together that cost next to nothing.  Like stare at cracks on the wall, for example.

In fact, a bad economy might actually be GOOD for relationships. Couples who can’t afford to spend money on entertainment will actually talk more during their dates and thus build better, more intimate relationships.  Talking builds relationships?  Who knew?!

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My 4-year-old nephew wants to get married… to his mom.

The other morning, my nephew, Eli randomly said to my sister-in-law,

ELI: Hey Mom, I love you! When I get older, can I marry you?

MOM: Well, Eli, that’s really sweet that you want to marry me, but I can’t marry you. I will still be married to your Daddy.

ELI: Well, do you think we could have two guys and one girl married together? Then me and Dad could both be married to you.

MOM: Um… no. You can only marry one person, and you stay married to
that person for your whole life.  Plus, you’re my son.  I’ll always be
your Mom though!

ELI: Well, what if you forgot that you married Dad?  Then could you marry me?

MOM: [laughing] No, I don’t think I would forget that…

ELI: What if Dad missed some other girls and wanted to get married to
somebody else?

MOM: [WHAT??] Your Dad won’t do that.  We love each other and will stay
married for our whole lives.

ELI: Forever?

ME: Yep.  Forever.  That’s the way it works.  I will always love you as your Mom, and someday you’ll get married to a nice pretty girl who you’ll fall in love with, when you are a lot bigger.

ELI: [big sigh] Okay, I guess I’ll just have to marry Brenna then.  [Brenna is a friend at church who at least twice his age!]  But I’ll wait until I’m THIS tall [holding his hand just above his mom’s head] — taller than you!

My sister-in-law is 5 foot 2.  Eli will probably pass her by before he’s a teenager… Good luck, sis!  You’ve got a little ladies’ man on your hands.

Eli and Brenna

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“Why do people get married?”

My friend Tav once told me, if you want to hear the truth about something ask a kid.  So I did.  My sister and I sat my nephew down and, sandwiched in between other questions, I got what I was looking for.  The answer to, “Why do people get married?”

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More like a funeral…

It’s 12:24 AM and I’m shocked that I just spent the last 15 minutes thinking about the details of my funeral.  To be fair, there has been a lot of talk about death and funerals at my house this week.  My roommate’s boss recently passed away (rest in peace).  But even still, I figure I’m pretty close to rock bottom when while my roommate is excitedly talking about the bridesmaid dress she picked out for her wedding, I’m barley listening to her because I’m too busy thinking about what color shirt I’d like to be buried in… Girls my age are supposed to be thinking about what they want the theme of their wedding to be — not what they want said at their funeral.  Ha!

Someone once declared, “If you marry Rachel, I’m not coming to your wedding because to me it will be more like a funeral.”  I’m not going to say who (Freddie’s mother) said it, but he or she may have been on to something…

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