From Point A to Point B.

I started this blog on January 9, 2009 — almost seven years ago — with the following intention:

I genuinely want to know what makes relationships work and what love is really about. Actually, that’s not true at all… I bored myself just writing that. I just want to have an interesting exchange about the topic with those that haven’t totally given up yet, or maybe even with some who have.  That’s all.  And, if I’m lucky, somewhere along the way I might even be saved from my own cynicism…

So, New Year’s resolution, January 2009 [2010, 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014, and 2015]: Destroy the cynicism within.  Or do something new with my hair.  I’m not sure.   😉

Unfortunately, there is no 12 step process for “destroying the cynicism within.”  The hard truth is that some things can only be learned through a series of painful, yet worthy experiences that ultimately put you in a better place than you were when you began.  Here is very condensed summary of how I got from point A to point B in the last three years:

• Point A: I was guarded, opposed to dating, hung-up on my ex, and constantly trying to convince myself that I wanted to be single my entire life anyway.  I had earned a reputation for being hard to date.  A guy told his buddy he was going to ask me out and his buddy said, “Pfff. Good luck.”  No joke.
• When visiting my family in Michigan, I found out my grandfather was sick and decided to stay for a couple extra months to help care for him until he passed.
• After he died, I inherited the love letters between him and my grandma during WW2.  Talk about true love… They married soon after he was discharged from the Navy and stayed married for 64 years until the day my grandmother died.  Not gonna lie, I ugly cried on the floor of my grandfather’s bedroom when I realized just how much I longed to be loved the way my grandfather loved my grandmother. (I’m incorporating these letters into a book project. It’s an interesting window into the life of a sailor who went to war just after having met the love of his life.)
• I found this picture on Instagram and couldn’t stop going back to look at it:
  

  I know… It annoyed me too.

• I stopped talking to my ex-boyfriend… largely because I found out he was dating a 19-year-old, but hey, at least I cut it off.  The Instagram picture is right, sometimes you just gotta let go to open yourself up.
• Ten months ago, I agreed to go out with a guy I met 4 years ago for something other than breakfast.  I always said he was the type of guy I wanted to date if I was ready, but per usual I refused to give it a chance.
• Point B: Well, guess what? I fell in love:

The overwhelming feeling I have at the present moment, is that the relationship I have with this man was worth everything I had to go through to get here.  It was worth all the heartbreaks and failed relationships.  It was worth faking happiness while watching every. single. one. of my girlfriends get hitched.  It was worth having the entire Midwest question my sexual orientation because I was my 30’s and still single.  Most importantly, it was worth not settling.  And that’s really what I want to say to anyone out there who’s reading this blog.  It might take much longer than you hope to find the guy who loves you the way you deserve to be loved, but please don’t settle.  In the meantime, focus less on finding the right person, and more on being the right person.  That’s the lesson I had to learn the hard way.

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Happy Anniversary, Sis!

This picture was taken 11 years ago on my lovely sister’s wedding day right before she walked into the church to see her soon to be husband. Thank you, Kerrie and Eric, for the example you have set. I hope that I might be so lucky one day. I love you!

Happy Anniversary, Sis! You're beautiful!

 

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Ladies and Gentlemen, the definition of love.

Anyone who can come up with an accurate, all encompassing, universal definition of love should be elevated to the highest place imaginable in society because they will have accomplished the impossible.  In my best attempted, I came up with, “Love is the absence of hate.”  One some level, it’s pretty true.  My new friend Evan tried to challenge me on it:

Evan: How would you define love?
Me:  As the absence of hate.
Evan: But… what about like?  That’s not hate or love.
Me:  Sure it is.  It’s platonic love.
Evan: Fine then what about lust?
Me:  That’s selfish love, which might as well just be hate.

Soon after having this conversation, Evan and I went to see the movie Paper Heart.

If you haven’t already seen the movie Paper Heart, I recommend seeing it.  It’s a good one to see if you’re in a relationship, or if you’re single, or even if you’ve just recently gotten dumped.  (I promise it’s not one of those make-you-want-to-slit-your-wrist romantic comedies that rubs salt in the wound).  I was in a terrible mood when I saw it and yet I laughed the whole way through.

There were a few scenes in the movie that I thought were a little contrived but if you’re able to look past those, it’s a cute story (staged to be a documentary) about a girl whose experiences of “love” have turned her into a modern-day skeptic (Hey! That’s me!).  The film tells the story of her trip across the country to find the answer to her question: Does true love really exist?  …only, she didn’t really find an answer, unless the answer is that she’s the problem… so… yeah.

Why didn’t I think of this first?

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I learn something new everyday.

I wonder if I can get a shot of Oxytocin in my next Jamba Juice smoothie…

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Lucky I’m in love with going to weddings.

I wish I had something witty and cynical to say about the number of weddings I’ve been invited to attend this month (five) or the number of bridesmaid dresses I now own (seven).  Instead, I find myself being very happy for two of my closest friends that have recently gotten hitched (both in the last 13 days).  If I could tell them each one thing it would be, “Good thing you didn’t listen to me.”  Brenda asked me if I thought she should start dating the guy she is now married to.  I told her no.  Elizabeth asked me if I thought she should get back together with the guy she is now married to after they once parted ways.  I also told her no.  Oops…

The real reason I’m blogging about weddings is to share this song with you.  This was the song that the bride and groom danced their first dance to at the wedding I went to this weekend (a wedding that actually made me shed real tears).  If you are in the middle of planning a wedding, I recommend using this song for something.

(The song starts after 14 seconds).

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A mile marker for me and the homeless guy on the shopping cart.

Tuesday marked the six month anniversary of this blog.  I can barely believe how fast the last six months passed!  I don’t have much of a progress report to give concerning my new year’s resolution of 2009 (see my about page).  But I can tell you two things:

1. Apparently, my cynicism about love and relationships is most likely a defense mechanism.  (I can’t tell you how many people have decided that for me).
2. The most interesting thing that happened in the last six months occurred yesterday on my way home from work.  As I was driving up a long, steep hill, I saw an unidentifiable object speeding straight toward me.  I moved into the left lane to avoid a collision and looked over as I passed an absolutely terrified homeless man riding down the hill on a grocery cart, rapidly picking up speed.  He had to be going at least 35 mph.  The best part of it all is imagining what he was thinking BEFORE he decided it would be a good idea to stand on his cart and ride it down the hill.  I bet that was a first for him… and a last.

So, it’s looking more and more like I might be stuck doing something new with my hair in order to fulfill my 2009 new year’s resolution since I apparently don’t have any real cynicism to destroy… I’m taking suggestions but not making any promises.  Except for maybe to that homeless guy.  I think it’s safe to promise that I’ll never see anything like that again.

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A man’s perspective.

Once again The Love Shoebox is being visited by a male contributor.  I would like to draw attention to the second paragraph and reiterate my questions regarding “The Man Code.”  Thank you.

***

“In this day and age, it seems as if dudes and chicks have fairly equal rights. I’m sure there are some exceptions, but nothing a lawsuit can’t defend or punish. Some chicks work, some dudes stay at home with the kids. Things are starting to even out — although dudes still don’t get the privilege of experiencing child birth…

“That being said, why is the dude still the one who is expected to ask the chick out? I understand there are roles that will never change — like dudes should always pick up the check and should get their asses beat if they ever let the chick pay. But will dudes always be responsible for risking total embarrassment from being shot down by the chick? Here is why I ask…

“How does a guy really know if a chick might dig him? What are the signs? What if she makes great eye contact with him, laughs at his jokes even when they’re not funny, and slightly touches him on the shoulder every now and again? If that’s the case, every waitress at Buffalo Wild Wings (and one of the waiters) must think I’m some kind of wonderful.

“The fact is, dudes never know because there is no certain way to tell. Even with today’s somewhat equal rights, dudes will always be the ones who have to risk making a wonderful friendship a total mess because they might think a chick friend digs them. And that really sucks for the dude because if he gets shot down, the guilt of a broken friendship never really passes — unless the chick was being a total bitch about it.

“Oh, and chicks, never turn down a guy and say, ‘I think you’re a really great guy though.’ That just adds salt to the wound. Might as well say, ‘I could never love you but I will give you a pity compliment… You have nice hair.’

“What are your thoughts, dudes?”

— Nick Philson

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Feeling uninspired.

I’m sitting in the center of my bed with my computer on my lap feeling totally uninspired right now.  As you can see, the frequency of my blogs has dropped significantly.  I tribute that to going from a very spotted working schedule to working 10 hour days M-F.  And being a new city, I find it hard to make myself sit by a computer in my free time when there is so much exploring to do!  Don’t get me wrong — I love all of my readers.  But also keep in mind that my definition of “true love” is best defined by observing pengiuns….

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I would consider marrying my cell phone.

Last weekend I was waiting to be seated at the Cheesecake Factory in Chicago (love that place) when I noticed the couple sitting next to me.  They were probably in their mid 40’s and it looked to be like they were married and on a date.  They were sitting close enough making it apparent they were obviously comfortable with each other.  The interesting thing is that instead of talking to each other, they were each staring down at their Internet phones, both perfectly content.  So I got to thinking, maybe that’s all I need — a solid, sexy, Internet phone.  It would give me its undivided attention;  It would do what I wanted it to do;  I could play games with it;  I could push its buttons without it ever getting angry;  It would never get sick of me but, if I got sick of it I could upgrade without consequence.  Seems to be the trend with relationships these days anyway, right?!  Oh, this is so perfect…

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The box.

I thought I’d share some pictures of my latest memory box creation… I’m kind of sentimental.  I don’t really have any guidelines of what is qualified to be box-worthy.  I usually throw in notes from friends that mean something to me, ticket stubs to shows, sports games, movies I’ve been too, things like that.  And every once in awhile, I look through the box just to re-live all the good times.  (In case you’re new to this blog, read about its source of inspiration here).

My love shoebox

... it's symbolic.

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