The simplified spelling board.

Following this bit of trivia from http://thetoiletpaper.com, I’ve decided to write a post using only “simplified spelling.”

Thinking English would be easier to spread globally if the words were easier to spell, Andrew Carnegie and a group of like-minded intellectuals created the Simplified Spelling Board in 1906. The board’s goal was to make English phonetic again, so words like “enough” would be spelled “enuf.” President Teddy Roosevelt loved the concept, but Congress and the press ridiculed the idea. What a bunch of diks!

…Never mind,  I just tried writing three different things using phoneitc spelling and it is way harder than you think.  Plus, being in Canada, I’m not sure if “about” should be spelled “ubowt” or “uboat.”  Not so easy, is it Andrew Carnegie?

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Feeling uninspired.

I’m sitting in the center of my bed with my computer on my lap feeling totally uninspired right now.  As you can see, the frequency of my blogs has dropped significantly.  I tribute that to going from a very spotted working schedule to working 10 hour days M-F.  And being a new city, I find it hard to make myself sit by a computer in my free time when there is so much exploring to do!  Don’t get me wrong — I love all of my readers.  But also keep in mind that my definition of “true love” is best defined by observing pengiuns….

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My parents.

Today I was thinking about my parents and how thankful I am for the way they raised me.  I feel like I have a good head on my shoulders and I owe it all to them.  On August 1 of this year, they will be celebrating their 35th wedding anniversary.  I pray that when I get married I will take after them in this area of life.  My mom’s parents have been married for over 60 years and my dad’s parents were married for 50 years before my grandmother  passed away.  So while my cynicism might shine through in some of these posts — or maybe most of them… I actually have quite a few solid examples of faithful marriage and lasting love.

After 35 years of marriage they still hold hands.

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“Adult theme park gets Chinese talking about sex.”

I would put down money that none of you thought you’d see the day when sex became a theme park.  Well, the day is here and I find myself shaking my head in awe.  I’m totally miffed.

According to the article, “China is building its first sexually explicit theme park, and the giant genitalia sculptures and suggestive exhibits are getting many people hot and bothered in a country where talking about sex is still taboo.”

Apparently, the park is more about sex education than anything else but I can’t imagine my high school sex-ed teacher taking our class on a field trip.

The park manager notes, “I have to pay attention and not make the park look vulgar and nasty.”  Interesting task for a park filled with “giant genitalia sculptures and suggestive exhibits.”

Read the article here.

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Airplane Diary: Starring Mr. Gas-X

The day before I left for Vancouver a close friend of mine joked, “Maybe you’ll meet your husband on the airplane.”  Ha!  Yeah right.  But, I did secretly hope I’d end up sitting next to the man of my dreams…

I’m sure I had the best seat on the plane… if the definition of best is “excruciatingly terrible.”  I know what you’re thinking — last row, next to the bathroom.  I would have paid extra for that.  No, I was in seat 15 E right in between Mr. “Gas-X” and Mr. “Swimsuit Edition.”

Now, I’m not going to get into detail but if you are ever in a situation where the first thing the person next to you does is pop a couple Gas-X tablets, LEAVE.  Unfortunately for me, it was a full flight.

Mr. Swimsuit Edition was an over-weight guy who appeared to be in his mid-30’s.  I tried really hard to just read my book (Eclipse — third book in the Twilight series… I know).  But I couldn’t help but get distracted by the inconsistent speed at which this guy was turning the pages of his magazine.  He was flying past all the sports articles (the whole purpose of the magazine… I thought) and would pause at the pictures of the hot chicks with their boobs so big that they were almost popping off the page!

Feeling very uncomfortable and suddenly very aware that the sleeve of his shirt was touching my shoulder I shifted slightly to the left and turned toward Mr. Gas-X, a 55-year old, also over-weight guy who must have been going through some sort of male menopause.  I glanced at what he was reading.  Not to be nosy — I just noticed that he was reading a fitness magazine and a picture of a hot guy with glistening abs caught my attention.  Needless to say, I was bummed when he turned the page to some boring sports article.

Somewhat satisfied, I returned to my book.  Moments later I heard it.  The noise that a person makes as if to say, “Hm, interesting. I oughta try that.”  It came from Mr. Gas-X who was now reading an article called, “Does She Really Like It That Way?: Hands, Breasts, Oral.”

AHHHH!

So I shifted to the right only to discover Mr. Swimsuit Edition had settled on reading an article titled, “Rough Sex: Not Just Rough But Passionate.”

Are you kidding me???  I was repulsed and I was trapped.  There was no escape.  I gave up on reading, put in my headphones and for the next 2 hours I kept my eyes closed, and listened to Coldplay’s “Don’t Panic” on repeat.

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Worst PMS ever.

I’m sorry, but it’s true.  I am more irritable right now than I can ever remember being.  My computer screen froze and I almost threw it across the room.  My sister was trying to explain something to me and I was rude because I couldn’t follow.  My roommate was chewing dinner and the sound annoyed me so much I almost left the room.  These are all things that wouldn’t bother me in the slightest on any other day.  But today… today is BAD.  And then to make matters worse, my trip to Vancouver was pushed back to Monday this weekend only to have it pushed back up to tomorrow!  So now I have very little time to pack for 4 months.  I’m not a total nutcase, I swear.  Just maybe a little overwhelmed at the moment.

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Hope it gives you hell.

I like this song.

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I would consider marrying my cell phone.

Last weekend I was waiting to be seated at the Cheesecake Factory in Chicago (love that place) when I noticed the couple sitting next to me.  They were probably in their mid 40’s and it looked to be like they were married and on a date.  They were sitting close enough making it apparent they were obviously comfortable with each other.  The interesting thing is that instead of talking to each other, they were each staring down at their Internet phones, both perfectly content.  So I got to thinking, maybe that’s all I need — a solid, sexy, Internet phone.  It would give me its undivided attention;  It would do what I wanted it to do;  I could play games with it;  I could push its buttons without it ever getting angry;  It would never get sick of me but, if I got sick of it I could upgrade without consequence.  Seems to be the trend with relationships these days anyway, right?!  Oh, this is so perfect…

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The box.

I thought I’d share some pictures of my latest memory box creation… I’m kind of sentimental.  I don’t really have any guidelines of what is qualified to be box-worthy.  I usually throw in notes from friends that mean something to me, ticket stubs to shows, sports games, movies I’ve been too, things like that.  And every once in awhile, I look through the box just to re-live all the good times.  (In case you’re new to this blog, read about its source of inspiration here).

My love shoebox

... it's symbolic.

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The countdown begins.

In only 10 days I will be leaving for Vancouver, BC where I will be spending my summer working as assistant to the Producer on a film.  I’ve never been out that way but keep hearing from everyone and their mothers (literally) that it is a beautiful place.  I’m looking forward to the adventure.  I don’t know a soul out there but I’m sure it won’t be long until I have established a little life away from home.

You never know, maybe stepping outside of the Midwest for a minute is exactly what I need to get over this whole cynicism funk.  See, where I live, 99% of people get married right out of collage.  At least that is what if feels like.  Of my 12 close friends I graduated from high school with I’m the only one who is single and 6 of them have 1-2 kids.  And I JUST turned 26.  Maybe that’s not so unusual…. but I like to think that it is.  It’s pretty enjoyable to be mid-20’s and single.  I’m able to do so many things I know I wouldn’t have done if I was married with kids right now.  And that is definitely the direction I was heading before my boyfriend of 4.5 years and I broke up half way through my junior year of college.  Crazy how life changes.

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