L is for leadership.

Alongtheway made the following comment on a previous post:

Being a girl (I mean you, not me), and this being a relationship blog, you seem like a good person to ask a question I often wonder about:  What do girls, particularly Christian girls, think about the Garden State version of relationships? (I wrote about it here: http://dominic-ville.xanga.com/600037591/scattered-thoughts-on-relationships/) Namely, do girls want the typical Christian male version of being a leader or would they rather have a less…how do I say it… authoritarian version like Garden State where he can be honest and say, “You know what? I don’t know much, but I’d rather not know much with you than without you.”  I elaborate more in the linked post, but does that make sense?  What are your thoughts?

I can only answer this question for myself rather than try to speak for “girls in general.”

I think I get what you’re saying with the quote you posted from Garden State.  The idea of what this quote represents is a romantic notion — let’s do this all together, we are both on level ground, I won’t make any choices without you, etc. — but at the same time, it just sounds so… boring.  I’m not sure it’s something that I personally buy into.  Don’t get me wrong.  I’m all about gender equality and communication in a relationship (and the workplace) but it seems like this kind of attitude can lead to unhealthy co-dependence, the idea of which makes me want to puke.

Leadership in and outside of the relationship is a quality that I definitely look for in a guy.  Not all girls are like me though — some really dig the type of guy they can walk all over.  I just happen to like a guy who can challenge me and keep me in check.  I want to be loved and cherished and all that but I don’t want to go back to being in a relationship with Mr. Drama Queen or Mr. Dud or, on the other extreme, Mr. Over-Bearing Borderline Abusive.

To me, nothing is more attractive than a guy who is solid in knowing who he is and what he wants out of life.  [Here’s the grand finale] A guy who has direction and leadership and the ability to have mutual respect.  A guy who can be himself and let me be me as we walk through our lives together.

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“Carts of Darkness.”

Apparently, riding shopping carts down steep hills is kind of a big deal here among a select crowd of homeless people…

You can watch the entire documentary online here: http://www.nfb.ca/film/carts_of_darkness

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The mysterious shopping cart man reappears.

When I said I never thought I’d see it again, I meant it.  But today, as I was on my way home from work, my path once again crossed with the homeless man and his shopping cart.  Serendipity?  Well, I wouldn’t go that far.  Amusing?  Definitely.

This time, I managed to roll down my window, give an encouraging cheer, and take a picture.  I don’t know if I’ll ever learn the name of this mysterious shopping cart man but I will certainly always remember him.

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Missing Michigan.

Today, I went to the beach in Stanley Park and while it was good weather and I had a great time, I couldn’t help but miss the beaches back home.  Nothing beats a Lake Michigan beach.

Lake Michigan

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Things keep getting weirder.

The homeless guy riding his shopping cart down the hill was beat out today as the most interesting thing I’ve seen in Vancouver by a parade of naked bicyclists that passed me while on my way to Granville Island.  Nothing looks more uncomfortable than a naked guy on a unicycle.

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A mile marker for me and the homeless guy on the shopping cart.

Tuesday marked the six month anniversary of this blog.  I can barely believe how fast the last six months passed!  I don’t have much of a progress report to give concerning my new year’s resolution of 2009 (see my about page).  But I can tell you two things:

1. Apparently, my cynicism about love and relationships is most likely a defense mechanism.  (I can’t tell you how many people have decided that for me).
2. The most interesting thing that happened in the last six months occurred yesterday on my way home from work.  As I was driving up a long, steep hill, I saw an unidentifiable object speeding straight toward me.  I moved into the left lane to avoid a collision and looked over as I passed an absolutely terrified homeless man riding down the hill on a grocery cart, rapidly picking up speed.  He had to be going at least 35 mph.  The best part of it all is imagining what he was thinking BEFORE he decided it would be a good idea to stand on his cart and ride it down the hill.  I bet that was a first for him… and a last.

So, it’s looking more and more like I might be stuck doing something new with my hair in order to fulfill my 2009 new year’s resolution since I apparently don’t have any real cynicism to destroy… I’m taking suggestions but not making any promises.  Except for maybe to that homeless guy.  I think it’s safe to promise that I’ll never see anything like that again.

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A man’s perspective.

Once again The Love Shoebox is being visited by a male contributor.  I would like to draw attention to the second paragraph and reiterate my questions regarding “The Man Code.”  Thank you.

***

“In this day and age, it seems as if dudes and chicks have fairly equal rights. I’m sure there are some exceptions, but nothing a lawsuit can’t defend or punish. Some chicks work, some dudes stay at home with the kids. Things are starting to even out — although dudes still don’t get the privilege of experiencing child birth…

“That being said, why is the dude still the one who is expected to ask the chick out? I understand there are roles that will never change — like dudes should always pick up the check and should get their asses beat if they ever let the chick pay. But will dudes always be responsible for risking total embarrassment from being shot down by the chick? Here is why I ask…

“How does a guy really know if a chick might dig him? What are the signs? What if she makes great eye contact with him, laughs at his jokes even when they’re not funny, and slightly touches him on the shoulder every now and again? If that’s the case, every waitress at Buffalo Wild Wings (and one of the waiters) must think I’m some kind of wonderful.

“The fact is, dudes never know because there is no certain way to tell. Even with today’s somewhat equal rights, dudes will always be the ones who have to risk making a wonderful friendship a total mess because they might think a chick friend digs them. And that really sucks for the dude because if he gets shot down, the guilt of a broken friendship never really passes — unless the chick was being a total bitch about it.

“Oh, and chicks, never turn down a guy and say, ‘I think you’re a really great guy though.’ That just adds salt to the wound. Might as well say, ‘I could never love you but I will give you a pity compliment… You have nice hair.’

“What are your thoughts, dudes?”

— Nick Philson

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The man code.

Last week I watched “The Bachelorette” and was rooting for David… until he opened his mouth and started talking.  But as much as he annoyed me, I learned something from him that I never knew existed.  Get ready for this…  THE MAN CODE.  It all started when the guys were sitting around drinking (what else to they do on that show?  It’s the only way they can get them to talk).  One guy supposedly faked taking a shot which was a big no-no according to the “man code.”  David was really upset about it and stated that this shot-faking guy should be tied to a tree and beaten.  Quizzical looks were given to which he replied, “What?  It’s the man code!”

Now, what exactly IS “The Man Code?”  Is it an unsaid list of rules that are universally known by men everywhere?  Rules that define manhood?  If that’s the case (and if it defines manhood for guys like David) I imagine it would look something like this:

1. Always pay for your date’s dinner.  To do otherwise demonstrates weakness.
2. If you feel threatened, puff out your chest and talk louder to intimidate and scare your enemy away.
3. You shall NEVER fake taking a shot or any alcoholic beverage.
4. Use macho speak including but not limited to phrases like ”Yo baby – wuz up?” “DAAAMMMNNNN you look good girl,” “Dude,” and when someone crosses you, “He deserves to die.”
5. Never believe “no” really means no.
6. Never accept responsibility for anything that goes wrong;  Always take credit for things that go right.
7. Never be caught dead applying any kind of lip product.
8. Don’t be upset if your girl makes more than you. In fact, embrace it.  And then exploit it.
9. If necessary, use emotional manipulation to get what you want.
10. Any “action” obtained must be embellished ie: a single = a triple; a strikeout = a single.

* In the event that a man breaks any one of the rules listed in the man code, he shall be tied to a tree and beaten.

(Here’s my little disclaimer:  I’m not a believer in the said “Man Code.”  But guys like David make it hard to resist commenting on the ridiculousness of the matter).

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Walken by Wilco.

I was recently introduced to the musical group Wilco (the perks of having friends with great musical taste).  I tired to find a good recording on their song “Walken” on youtube and this is the best I could come up with.  You really gotta check it out on itunes.  I love it.  The song is really quite catchy (and romantic).

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