A man’s perspective.

Once again The Love Shoebox is being visited by a male contributor.  I would like to draw attention to the second paragraph and reiterate my questions regarding “The Man Code.”  Thank you.

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“In this day and age, it seems as if dudes and chicks have fairly equal rights. I’m sure there are some exceptions, but nothing a lawsuit can’t defend or punish. Some chicks work, some dudes stay at home with the kids. Things are starting to even out — although dudes still don’t get the privilege of experiencing child birth…

“That being said, why is the dude still the one who is expected to ask the chick out? I understand there are roles that will never change — like dudes should always pick up the check and should get their asses beat if they ever let the chick pay. But will dudes always be responsible for risking total embarrassment from being shot down by the chick? Here is why I ask…

“How does a guy really know if a chick might dig him? What are the signs? What if she makes great eye contact with him, laughs at his jokes even when they’re not funny, and slightly touches him on the shoulder every now and again? If that’s the case, every waitress at Buffalo Wild Wings (and one of the waiters) must think I’m some kind of wonderful.

“The fact is, dudes never know because there is no certain way to tell. Even with today’s somewhat equal rights, dudes will always be the ones who have to risk making a wonderful friendship a total mess because they might think a chick friend digs them. And that really sucks for the dude because if he gets shot down, the guilt of a broken friendship never really passes — unless the chick was being a total bitch about it.

“Oh, and chicks, never turn down a guy and say, ‘I think you’re a really great guy though.’ That just adds salt to the wound. Might as well say, ‘I could never love you but I will give you a pity compliment… You have nice hair.’

“What are your thoughts, dudes?”

— Nick Philson

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I would consider marrying my cell phone.

Last weekend I was waiting to be seated at the Cheesecake Factory in Chicago (love that place) when I noticed the couple sitting next to me.  They were probably in their mid 40’s and it looked to be like they were married and on a date.  They were sitting close enough making it apparent they were obviously comfortable with each other.  The interesting thing is that instead of talking to each other, they were each staring down at their Internet phones, both perfectly content.  So I got to thinking, maybe that’s all I need — a solid, sexy, Internet phone.  It would give me its undivided attention;  It would do what I wanted it to do;  I could play games with it;  I could push its buttons without it ever getting angry;  It would never get sick of me but, if I got sick of it I could upgrade without consequence.  Seems to be the trend with relationships these days anyway, right?!  Oh, this is so perfect…

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The countdown begins.

In only 10 days I will be leaving for Vancouver, BC where I will be spending my summer working as assistant to the Producer on a film.  I’ve never been out that way but keep hearing from everyone and their mothers (literally) that it is a beautiful place.  I’m looking forward to the adventure.  I don’t know a soul out there but I’m sure it won’t be long until I have established a little life away from home.

You never know, maybe stepping outside of the Midwest for a minute is exactly what I need to get over this whole cynicism funk.  See, where I live, 99% of people get married right out of collage.  At least that is what if feels like.  Of my 12 close friends I graduated from high school with I’m the only one who is single and 6 of them have 1-2 kids.  And I JUST turned 26.  Maybe that’s not so unusual…. but I like to think that it is.  It’s pretty enjoyable to be mid-20’s and single.  I’m able to do so many things I know I wouldn’t have done if I was married with kids right now.  And that is definitely the direction I was heading before my boyfriend of 4.5 years and I broke up half way through my junior year of college.  Crazy how life changes.

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Tan Hong Ming and Umi Qazrina sittin’ in a tree…

My favorite part of this video, which was sent to me by Tav, is the little boy’s expression when he realizes the truth.  I don’t want to give anything away but it is so adorable.  But that poor girl.  She’s really put on the spot, I’d say.  What is she supposed to say with Tan Hong Ming standing there over her shoulder?

After you watch this video, you might be interested in the following explanation from fairfax71,  “The boy is Chinese, and the girl is Malay. “Tan Hong Ming” is a Chinese name and “Umi Qazrina” is Malay. The sponsor, Petronas, is the Malaysian state oil company; Malaysia has had a lot of racial strife in its history, particularly between ethnic Chinese and Malay people.”

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The human body is a mystery.

Why is it that any sort of emotion — weather it be a result of drama, conflict, happiness or excitement and especially when it is associated with a relationship — can be felt.  Do you know what I mean?  It drives me crazy.  If a relationship is just beginning, you feel butterflies in your stomach; if it is ending, your chest tightens up and you think you might DIE… ok, that’s a little extreme and I wouldn’t give anyone THAT much credit.  But what’s frustrating is that  it doesn’t matter what I tell myself.  My mind has little control over my body in situations like that.  “Don’t get too excited.”  “It’s all in your head.”  “Don’t worry about it.”  “You’ll be fine.”  “This is what YOU wanted, you idiot.”

Doesn’t help.  My heart still beats a little too fast; my lungs still feel like they might collapse; my stomach still feels like something is flying around inside.  The human body is a true mystery to me.

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So I lied a little.

The following phone conversation took place between me and a guy I was trying to shake.  I have since matured.

Alex:  I loooove kids. Do you want to have kids someday?
Me:  Sure, I guess so.  I mean, I’m not a huge fan of kids but I’m sure I would like my own.
Alex:  My sister just had twins, I think that would be so cool.
Me:  Oh man.  I don’t know what I would do if I had twins.  Probably pick one and give it up for adoption.
… long pause…
Alex:  Oh… I guess that’s one option… Well, see ya!

Ok, the conversation didn’t exactly end that abruptly but it felt like it did.  And for the record, I really don’t like kids that much (aside from my nephews) but if I did have twins I would keep and love them both very very much.

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Facebook in reality.

I feel like this video speaks for itself on the ridiculousness of the social phenomena we all know as “Facebook.”

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The long distance thing.

I dated an Australian for two and half years.  Doesn’t that sound sexy?  He had the nice accent and everything.  If it weren’t for the fact that he lived on the other side of the planet (and a number of other reasons that made “us” absolutely impossible) I think we would have worked out quite well.

At the time I started dating him I was a full believer in long distance relationships.  I mean, surely, if you love someone enough it can work, right?  Absolutely… NOT with that mentality.  It takes a whole lot more than this euphoric idea of love to make any relationship work, much less a long-distance relationship.

Here’s what I learned from my experience:

1. Communication is everything.  The silent treatment is not effective and actually turns out to be a little expensive over the phone.
2. Creativity is important. Talking on the phone is great but only fun for so long and at the time we didn’t have webcams so “seeing” each other was out of the question.  It got a little… boring.   So you just gotta come up with ways to make it fun.
3. You must be able to trust.  If you’re the jealous type, don’t even try long-distance.  I don’t mean to be discouraging, but if you can’t handle your significant other hanging out with people of the opposite sex in your absence then you will drive yourself CRAZY.
4. Never believe your boyfriend if he sends you a little music box in the mail that plays “The Wedding March” when you turn the little crank and has a note attached that says, “I promise.”  It’s a LIE.  Not that I’m bitter about it… no really, I’m not.

In the end, my half-way-around-the-world relationship didn’t work out but I DID get to go to Australia twice.  (Nothing like a destination that takes 27 hours and 4 anxiety pills to get to).  By the time that relationship was over I swore I would never knowingly start another long distance relationship again.  Which is turning out to be an interesting pact with myself considering the career path I’ve chosen.  I mean, let’s just say I meet the man of my dreams somewhere on location?  Too bad?  Or what if I’m dating someone and I have to go to Vancouver for five months for a film?  That’s it?  Am I able to have both a film career and a healthy relationship?

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Loving the economy.

I asked one of my friends what I should blog about today and he suggested, “love and the economy.”  So here I go…

I’m fairly certain that everyone is aware that the economy is not that great right now.  People are getting laid off, houses are foreclosing, and stocks are plummeting.  BUT diamonds have not gotten cheaper, the price of a dozen roses has stayed the same, and the cost of dinner and a movie has not been sympathetic.

There are two ways of looking at whether or not this change in the economy is positive or negative when it comes to the affect it plays on relationships.  From everything I’ve heard, one of the top 3 causes of divorce deals with finances.  I’m not surprised by that — especially once you have kids.  With a bad economy and 2.5 kids in school, vet bills that need to be paid, mortgage payments, utilities, credit cards, and only one person in the house working… I’m stressed just writing all of that.  There is no relief.  So the pessimist in me says a bad economy is bad for relationships, plain and simple.

But who likes a pessimist?  Spending money on going out for dinner, and out to movies, and on fancy gifts for each other is nice.  But it’s also an unnecessary luxury.  You won’t DIE if you don’t get a tennis bracelet for your anniversary or go to the Caribbean for your honeymoon (or maybe you will die… then you should read this blog www.dabagirls.com and not mine).  Thinking of things to do on a date that cost money is so easy, but if you’re willing to put a little thought into it there are plenty of things couples can do together that cost next to nothing.  Like stare at cracks on the wall, for example.

In fact, a bad economy might actually be GOOD for relationships. Couples who can’t afford to spend money on entertainment will actually talk more during their dates and thus build better, more intimate relationships.  Talking builds relationships?  Who knew?!

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Relationship advice from a 9-year-old.

What I love about Alex Greven is that at age 9, he seems to have relationships all figured out.  I speculate that he is going to turn out one of two ways: 1.  He’ll have the best luck with relationships ever, OR  2. he’ll be divorced 5 times by the time he’s 30.  Either way, there’s something we can all learn from him…

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